Baby Got Books

by Lady Reads-A-Lot

 

I like big books and I cannot lie

You other readers can’t deny

That when a book jumps in your itty bitty hands

And a square thing in your face you get sprung

 

Wanna pull up tough

Cause I noticed that book was stuffed

Deep in the bag you’re wearing

I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring

 

Oh baby, I wanna read witcha

And take yo picture

My homegirls tried to warn me

But that book you got is better than porn-y

 

Ooh Leather Smoothskin

You say you wanna get in my lens?

Well use me, use me

‘Cause I ain’t your average groupie

 

It’s better than dancin’;

Even got some romancin’,

I sweat, I fret,

Got it goin’ like a turbo Vette.

 

I’m tired of magazines

Sayin’ tv is the thing

Take the average reader and ask her that

She thinks books are phat

 

So, fellas,

(Yeah!)

Fellas!

(Yeah!)

Does your girlfriend read a book?

(Hell yeah!)

Tell her to shake it, shake it, shake that favorite book

 

Baby got books

 

I like ’em rectangular and big

And when I’m buyin’ like a pig

I just can’t help myself

I’m acting like an animal

Now here’s my scandal

 

I want to get you home

And uh, double-up, uh-uh.

I ain’t talkin’ bout Playboy

Silicone parts are made for toys (But the articles are pretty damn good.)

 

I want ’em real thick and juicy

So find that juicy novel

Reads-a-Lot’s in deep

Beggin’ for another quick peek

 

So I’m lookin’ at movie videos

Book version plots playin’ like hoes

You can have them bimbos

Remember those nails on Flo Jo?

 

A word to the thick book mastas, I wanna get witcha

I might cuss or throw ya

But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna

read til the break of dawn

 

Baby got it goin on

A lot of you won’t like this song

Cause them punks like to skim it and quit it

But I’d rather stay all day

 

So ladies

(Yeah!)

Ladies!

(Yeah!)

If you wanna drive a Mercedes,

Then read a book, and read some more

All the smart boys got to shout.

 

Baby got books.

 

So your boyfriend hates to read

And only likes tv

But tv ain’t gonna make the heart grow fonder

His anaconda don’t get none unless he’s got books, hon

 

You can do sidebends or situps

But please don’t lose those books!

Some brothers want to play that hard role

And tell you that books aren’t gold

So they toss it and leave it

And I pull up quick to retrieve it

 

So Cosmo says you’re nerdy

It ain’t down or dirty

But your cover is slick and your pages are kickin’

I’m thinkin’ bout stickin’ (my head in a book.)

 

To the brainless dames in the magazines,

You ain’t it, Miss Thang

 

So ladies if the book is good

And you want to talk about it in the hood

Call 1-800-READS-A-LOT

And bring some wine if you could.

 

Baby got books.

 

Little bit mental but she got much books.

Little bit mental but she got much books.

Little bit mental but she got much books.

(Inspired by the one and only knighted rapper I know of; the one who, when interviewed on VH1’s I Love the 80’s, noted that he looks like “a big dancing turd” on the large white buttocks in the video. Why didn’t they make them black? In fact, they’re yellow. Anyway, cheers to you, Sir Mix-a-lot, you made my 80’s a lot more fun and I thank you for paying tribute to lovely, non-stick figure women.)