Life Lessons this Southern Chick Has Learned about Ass-Cold Weather:
1. If you get off said ass and move around a bit, even just a little bit, you will warm up. If you get off afore-mentioned ass and move around a lot, you will warm up a lot.
2. If you get up and put on a sweater, you will warm up and it will be considered a green heating source, as well as a non-idiot heating source.
3. If you wear 85 million layers at night because you are cold when you are going to bed, you will wake up covered in sweat because you are pre-menopausal and you are an idiot.
4. If you drink wine, you will warm up. If you drink a lot of wine, you will warm up and have fun and forget it is cold. Which is the same as warming up. Win-win!
5. If it is below 20 degrees, you must listen to your Yankee husband and apparently leave all faucets dripping.
6. You should totes have a Yankee husband or you will be screwed in cold weather. Need advice in summer? I’m your go-to!
7. You should thank your Yankee husband for being a Yankee and for doing smart, cold weather things, and apologize for telling him to “quit scaring the kids about the cold weather.” xo honey!
8. If cold weather is forecast and Kroger is empty when you walk in, you have not, in fact, “beat the rush,” you are the last person in Georgia to enter Kroger and there will be nothing left on the shelves. Except the expensive shit. And the “ethnic food.” Why is that still the name of the Mexican/Asian food aisle?! I digress.
9. All of the faux hikers finally get a chance to authentically wear their North Face and Patagonia jackets! Congrats!
10. My children’s teachers are wonderful and I look forward to sending my children back to you! 🙂
Take care of yourselves and each other,